Coffee is the Root of all Evil
by RainFlower3004
Summary: What happens when both Batman and Superman, after tiring missions, eye the only cup of coffee left in the cafeteria? And will Flash be able to do anything to help, or just end up caught in the cross-fire of a caffeine  or lack thereof  fueled fight?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Justice League or any of the characters in it.

**Coffee is the Root of all Evil**

**Batman's POV**

Batman stalked into the Watchtower cafeteria, his cape swishing loudly behind him as he walked purposefully towards the coffee machine. Normally, he would have seen the need for stealth. But this, **this** called for swift action rather than stealth. His ribs still ached from where Penguin somehow managed to land a kick and if even Penguin could hit him, that just showed how much he needed coffee. Or maybe he just needed to train harder. But that could wait till after he satisfied his caffeine pangs. After all, he hadn't slept in two days. Besides, coffee drinking, although only temporary, was a much more time-saving alternative to sleeping. At least, that was what he kept telling himself (though he was sure a certain Amazonian princess would disapprove). _Just a cup_, he decided.

**Superman's POV**

Superman flew into the Watchtower cafeteria, barely able to keep his feet from grazing the ground as he made a beeline for the coffee machine. Normally, he would either have flown properly or walked but today was different. He had just returned from a particularly tiring fight with Metallo and before that was tasked to evacuating a whole town due to an impending volcano eruption. All he wanted now was to feel the heavenly hot liquid flow down his throat. He knew his reliance on coffee was not exactly healthy but every time he tried to abstain from it, he either found himself nodding off during the weekly Founder's meetings or suffering from caffeine withdrawal symptoms. Besides, coffee couldn't hurt him, right? (That is, if it wasn't laced with kryptonite.) At least, that was what he kept telling himself. _Just a cup_, he decided.

**Third person's POV**

Maybe it was just a coincidence, or perhaps it was fate's little joke that both the Dark Knight and the Man of Steel reached the coffee machine at the exact same time. Both their hands reached out but froze when each of them realised someone else was there at the coffee machine.

"You first," Batman said smoothly, gesturing at the machine though Superman could not help but notice a dangerous edge to his voice.

Superman gave a slight shrug before grabbing a cup and filling it with coffee. It was barely full when the flow of coffee suddenly stopped. Superman tugged harder on the lever but there was still no sign of coffee. Frustrated, he gave one really hard pull (he's Superman so that's saying something). There was a deafening 'pop!' and the lever flew halfway across the cafeteria, embedding itself in the glass window.

"You broke it," Batman stated with deceptive calmness.

A spider web of thin cracks appeared on the window, slowly but steadily growing in size. Batman made a noise that was something between an angry growl and a sigh. He pressed the emergency lockdown button and a metal plate instantly slid shut over that window. A necessary precautionary measure to prevent the both of them and the other shell-shocked League members (_yes, even the buffoon who broke the lever of the coffee machine,_ Batman thought irritably) from being blown out into space when that window fell apart. Superman had a sheepish grin on his face but that became an almost predatory stare (at the coffee) when he realised Batman's gauntleted hand was slowly inching towards the cup of steaming liquid. Batman raised his eyes to his and glared hard at Superman. Superman folded his arms across his chest and tried his best to glare back.

"Kent," Batman intoned in a menacing voice.

Superman kept on staring at him as he said firmly, "I really need that cup of coffee."

Batman didn't answer but from the hard stare he was giving him, Superman suspected his response would have been something along the lines of, "So do I, Superman". And somehow, still being able to make 'Superman' sound like the plague or something.

"I said –" Superman started to say but was cut off when Batman growled, "You broke it so you don't get to drink it."

He knew he sounded immature but for the moment, he couldn't care less. He smirked slightly at Superman's shocked expression. He just loved being unpredictable. Superman closed his mouth which was agape a few moments ago.

He tried a different tactic, "Do you know how tiring it is to fight Metallo? And have to deal with something as big as a volcano eruption?"

Batman pretended to ponder for a moment before replying, that annoying smirk of his growing bigger, "As I recall, I almost got strangled by him before*. The last time you were trying to slow down a volcano eruption, I stopped a kryptonite missile with a Javelin using an electromagnetic pulse and I had to lie in the medical bay for a good two days before I managed to sneak out**."

_I have to admit, he does have a point,_ Superman thought. By now, most of the other League members had noticed the tension between the two Founders and were already edging out of the cafeteria.

Superman sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose wearily, "Don't you have another coffee machine somewhere else, Bruce?"

Batman froze at Superman's use of his real name when he was still in costume. The look on Batman's face now could only be described as murderous. Fortunately, most of the other League members have already cleared the area or else Superman would have found himself trussed up with a dozen different-coloured pieces of kryptonite tied to him. Maybe it was due to sleep deprivation that led to his extreme tetchiness today, but somehow, Batman finally snapped.

"You're a kryptonian, heck, you're Superman! Why do you even need coffee?"

"You're the freaking Batman, why do you need coffee?" Superman shot back.

And that was how Flash found them – arguing heatedly over a cup of coffee – later on when he walked in.

**Flash's POV**

"Hey, ladies, wanna go grab an iced mocha?" Flash asked with an easy grin on his face as he passed by Fire, Ice and Doctor Light along the corridor. He had just finished an hour-long session of monitor duty for the third (or was it the fourth?) time this week. Well, it really was kind of his fault that he had to do extra monitor duty, but who can blame a guy for trying to get a date with Wonder Woman? Actually, he did that mainly because he wanted to annoy Batman (though he still secretly kind of hoped that she would say yes). Well, he got desired effect number one – he had just barely managed to finish the question when a very pissed-looking Batman stormed towards him – plus extra monitor duty for the rest of the month. He shuddered at the memory of the Batglare he received.

He was jolted out of that nasty memory by Fire's rich Brazilian voice, "I – we – would love to, but…"

"We, uh, don't really feel like having iced mochas now. We just had some just now," finished Doctor Light.

The two women were smiling but they looked vaguely disturbed. Ice just looked, well… Cold.

"Okay then, your loss. Catch you later then, ladies!" Flash flashed them a dazzling but slightly forced grin before zooming off. "Am I really that bad?" he wondered aloud. "What's wrong with a funny, fast and perfectly good-looking speedster?" Flash muttered to himself, "Why is it always the dark, angsty ones who get the girls?"

He was still mumbling to himself when he neared the cafeteria. He skidded to a halt when he heard the raised voices coming from within. Maybe it's not such a good idea, he thought to himself, wincing as he heard something shatter. But his growling stomach suggested otherwise. _I'll just pop in, grab some food and pop back out again,_ Flash thought and he dashed into the cafeteria. The sight before him made him freeze in his tracks. But he willed his feet to move, to reach the food tray, willed his hands to grab any food in sight. He actually didn't quite know what he had taken as he prepared to zoom off.

Before he could run off, however, the low, unmistakable voice of the Bat rang out from behind him, "West."

Flash gulped audibly. It was never a good sign when Batman called him by his last name. Heck, it's never a good sign when Batman called him by any name. He considered running away but he knew it would only make things worse.

He quickly placed the food back onto the food tray and turned around slowly, asking in a nervous voice, "Uh, Bats, is there anything – "

"Who do you think should get the coffee?"

Flash blinked in surprise. He turned around fully to face him and the scene before his eyes, upon much closer inspection, was actually quite comical and unbelievably funny that he didn't know whether to still be afraid of Batman or laugh really loud. Batman and Superman were standing on either sides of a cup of coffee, glaring at each other, shattered pieces of a cup on the ground between them. Oddly, the metal plate used in emergency lockdowns was covering one of the windows. Flash struggled to keep a straight face. Mentally, he was laughing so loudly he could have triggered a landslide on some mountain on a faraway alien planet.

"Look, guys, it's **just **a cup of coffee," Flash said as soothingly as he could, trying hard to keep the mirth out of his voice.

Batman shot him an icy glare so cold that Flash swore the temperature in the cafeteria, particularly that of the air around him, dropped by at least a few degrees. Flash swallowed nervously. _Okay, wrong thing to say,_ he thought, _definitely not the thing to say to a guy who probably relies on coffee at least 75% of the time he needed to stay awake without sleeping._

He rushed on, trying to rectify his verbal blunder, though his voice was slightly higher-pitched than normal and could be very well described as squeaky, "Uh, what I actually meant, wanted to say, to ask was… Can you guys tell me what happened? Then, then we can sort things out. Like civilised… people… ?"

The last part came out more of a question than a request because the murderous look on Batman's face clearly showed otherwise.

"Fine, I'll start first," Superman said in a definite tone that left no room for argument.

Batman motioned for him to begin. It wasn't that he was feeling particularly gracious or magnanimous today (it was actually the opposite) but he decided it would be wiser to hear what the Boy Scout has to say first before he launched into his side of the argument. Just so he would know how to counter-attack. Superman explained that he was really in need of caffeine and cited reasons such as the amount of exhaustion caused by the absolutely tiring missions. Of course, being the honest farm boy that he was, try as he might, his conscience just would not allow him to skip the part about him breaking the lever of the coffee machine.

"Whoa, Supes! You destroyed Bat's beloved coffee machine?" Flash couldn't resist asking, his eyes alight with amazement and just the slight hint of glee as he continued with his exclamations.

Superman, on his part, had a guilty expression on his face yet still managed to look a little proud of his 'achievement' all at the same time.

Batman glowered at Flash and muttered through gritted teeth, "Not. Funny. West."

Not a good sign. Alarms and warning lights went off in Flash's head and he instantly shut up after that, allowing Batman to start with his side of the story.

Unsurprisingly, Batman was very straight to the point, citing reasons in a very concise manner that only he could pull off.

It went something like: "One: No sleep in two days. Two: Worked all night to stop 4 Arkham escapees, 3 muggings, 2 thefts and 1 museum break-in . Three: Coffee = a necessity to keep me alert. Clarity of mind is the difference between life and death in my line of work."

Flash blinked. _Okaaay. Looks like Bats really is serious about getting that cup of coffee._ Suddenly, he was hit by a stroke of pure genius.

"__!" Flash spoke so rapidly that the words melded into each other and made no sense at all to any casual listener, much less to two tired, caffeine-deprived superheroes. (True, they were part of the original seven Founders of the League but they were essentially just two rest-deprived and caffeine-deprived guys with only one cup of coffee which neither wanted to share with the other.)

Batman raised an eyebrow while Superman frowned, straining to make sense of the long string of words.

"Come again? This time at the speed normal humans can understand," Superman said, folding his arms across his chest.

Technically, Superman wasn't a normal human. He wasn't a human at all – he was a Kryptonian. But Flash thought it would be neither wise nor safe (for him) to point that out now to the impatient Man of Steel who was seriously in need of caffeine.

"Um, pour the coffee into two cups?" Flash squeaked when he realised that Superman and Batman were staring at him intently, their eyes (or lenses, in Batman's case) boring holes into him.

Before either of them could object, Flash grabbed another cup from the rack and proceeded to pour coffee from the other cup into it. He tried his best to keep his hand steady and not spill any of the precious liquid. It was quite a feat, actually, seeing as he was doing it really fast and had to fight the urge not to quiver under a full-fledged Batglare. When both cups were filled to about the same amount, he stopped pouring.

"There, all done!" Flash announced in an overly-cheerful voice.

Superman and Batman just stared blankly at the two half-filled cups. Flash sighed. _Geez, for the guy who could bend steel with his bare hands and the guy who could make the most hardened criminal wet his pants with just one look (who's also supposedly the 'World's Greatest Detective), they could be just so dense at times._ Flash gestured at one cup and pointed at Superman, gestured at the other cup and pointed at Batman. For a few moments, neither man made a move to take their 'designated' cup.

Finally, Batman snapped, "Fine!" and seized the cup handle. He took a swig of coffee from his cup before stalking off, all the while grimacing at the now-cold taste of the liquid. Superman relaxed visibly when the tips of Batman's cape disappeared from the cafeteria and he, too, grabbed his cup of coffee. Taking a sip, he made a face at its coldness and sighed.

"Thanks anyway, Wally. It could have turned out much, much worse," Superman said seriously and Flash knew he meant it.

"No problems, big guy, though I wouldn't want to get between Bats and his coffee ever again," Flash joked light-heartedly, though he couldn't help but shudder at the memory of Batman's glare.

Superman merely chuckled before flying out of the cafeteria, shaking his head at the absurdity of the situation he was caught in just moments ago. Later on, Flash would marvel at how the ladies whom he spoke with earlier seem to be friendlier towards him than before he helped to resolve the 'quarrel' he now dubbed 'The Coffee Showdown'.

"Ah, as Granny Flash used to say, a good deed begets another," Flash murmured to himself as he sat a little dazedly with the three women, sipping iced mocha in the cafeteria. Little did he know that the reason why they seemed to be avoiding him just now was to steer clear of the fight in the cafeteria and that he wasn't half as bad as he thought himself to be… **(Author's Note: I just thought Flash deserved better. I mean, he's a really nice and funny guy. Well, he cracks a couple of good jokes. Once in a while.) **

**A Week Later**

"Kent." Superman jumped slightly when he heard a low, dark voice call his name.

"Oh, it's you," he said, somewhat relieved but just a tiny bit annoyed when a dark, pointy-eared figure stepped out from the shadows.

Superman turned back to the many screens lining the wall in the Monitor Womb, all broadcasting live feed from various parts of the world. The League was currently spread a little thin so even Superman needed to do monitor duty. Once in a while. Besides, just because you're practically invulnerable to everything except kryptonite did not mean you could skip the boring part of superhero work. Superman found that he actually welcomed the change. It let him help others behind the scene for once, something he had mostly done out on the field. There was a short silence before a soft thump came from beside him. Superman turned his head to look and saw that Batman had set a cup of steaming coffee next to him on the table. Superman looked up at him in surprise. Batman wasn't usually the type to apologise first, or the type to even apologise at all. Well, at a stretch, that cup of coffee was sort of an attempt at patching things up.

"Thanks," Superman said and continued a little nervously, "and sorry about… The other day."

There was an awkward pause as he fidgeted uncomfortably in his seat in front of the monitor screens. Surprisingly, Batman was the one to break the silence.

"For calling me by my real name when I was still in costume?" Batman supplied, an undertone of amusement in his voice.

"Yes… That," Superman said and continued hurriedly, "and for fighting with you over…" "Over a cup of coffee," he finished lamely.

Batman nodded almost imperceptibly but didn't say anything. After a moment or so, he grunted something that sounded suspiciously like "Same here" and departed from the Monitor Womb. He left Superman staring at he spot where he had been standing, shock written all over his face.

"First time for everything, I guess. Just didn't think I would live to see this day," Superman thought aloud, chuckling.

Ten minutes later, after his shift ended, Superman was about to fly to the cafeteria to grab a bite. That was when he realised that he couldn't fly. And no matter how hard he squinted, he just couldn't activate his heat vision. Realisation soon dawned upon him. A strange act of kindness from Batman, of all people, after a quarrel however minor (which is completely unlike him), his weird, out-of-character behaviour and now this. Superman wasn't a conspiracy theorist or the World's Greatest Detective, but he knew revenge when it was staring him in the eye. _Damn you, Bruce,_ Superman thought. He knew it was childish, that what he was about to do was completely immature, but he couldn't help but plan how to switch Batman's coffee with a cup of decaf instead. If Batman could sneak some blue kryptonite into his coffee to temporarily nullify his powers, why couldn't he exact his revenge too?***

Somewhere in the Watchtower, a certain dark-clad, pointy-eared hero was smirking to himself, savouring the absolute sweetness of his 'victory'. Little did he know that Superman was going to return the 'favour' and that he was about to be on the receiving end of a little something called revenge…

*In the animated movie, 'Batman Superman: Public Enemies'

** In the JLU episode, 'Doomsday Sanction' [But I made up the part about sneaking out of the infirmary, though I'm pretty sure that would have been what he had done]

***Assuming that's the way blue kryptonite affects Superman and that it would be temporary. If it doesn't and wouldn't, please, just bear with me…?

Review please! Constructive criticism will be heartily accepted since this is my first-ever attempt at writing fanfiction and I know there's sure to be room for improvement!

What happens when both Batman and Superman, after tiring missions, eye the only cup of coffee left in the cafeteria? And will Flash be able to do anything to help, or just end up caught in the cross-fire of a caffeine (or lack thereof) fueled fight?


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: As always, I don't own Justice League or any of the characters in it.

An itty-bitty author's note before we start: I really appreciate the reviews and constructive comments about the first chapter, so here is me expressing a BIG thank you to those of you out there who read and reviewed! I hope this second chapter won't disappoint anyone, especially those who are just itching to see good old Bats get a dose of his own medicine.

Oh, and here's a shout-out to my dear sister: This chapter's dedicated to you, hope you'll like it. Happy Birthday and good luck for your exams!

Now, on with the story…

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><p><strong>Coffee is the Root of all Evil<strong>

_A week or so after the coffee incident…_

**Batman's POV**

Batman swept into the Watchtower cafeteria, though a careful observer might notice that his movements were lacking in his usual grace. His mouth parted to let out a yawn but thankfully, certain disaster was averted by clamping his jaws close tightly and decisively. The three consecutive sleepless nights due to the murder case he was currently working on was taking a toll on him, as much as he hated to admit it. It would definitely do his reputation no good if he were to slip up during patrol or League missions, or even worse, nod off during League meetings. It would definitely not help in solving the murder case any quicker either. Which was why he stopped by the cafeteria for some coffee after collecting a few files and supervising the training of several newer League members.

He filled the cup to the brim with the hot, brown liquid. Walking in the direction of the Monitor Womb, he took a swig from his cup. He grimaced. The haze of exhaustion fogging up his head didn't seem to clear. At all. Perhaps he needed a stronger dose of caffeine to keep him awake. And was it just him, or did the coffee taste a little… Off? He narrowed his eyes. However, any investigation of any sort would have to wait until after Monitor Duty. With a resigned sigh, Batman entered the Monitor Womb to relieve whoever was on duty, that is, whoever was unlucky enough to face him in his sleep and caffeine deprived state.

**Flash's POV**

Flash lounged on the swivel chair in the Monitor Womb, tapping a gloved finger on the table at an inhuman speed. His chin was propped on his left hand as he watched the numerous screens. He yawned. It wasn't that he hated Monitor Duty, really. Contrary to popular belief (or rather, what a certain Dark Knight would think), he did indeed understand why he needed to do Monitor Duty – ensure the missions were running smoothly, sound the alarm if they aren't, so on and so forth. But what did one expect when you ask the Fastest Man Alive to sit in a small room and do nothing but watch the happenings on numerous screens? He sighed. And here he was hoping that he had gotten on Batman's good side (by solving the coffee problem) and the Dark Knight might just cut him some slack. Apparently, the man was lacking in something called gratitude.

"Some appreciation, huh…" Flash huffed.

Just then, the door to the Monitor Womb hissed open and said pointy-eared vigilante trudged in, a cup of coffee in hand. _Speak of the devil,_ Flash thought.

"Hey Bats! Never thought I'll be so happy to see you," Flash quipped as he swiveled around to face Batman.

The black-clad hero didn't reply, as expected, but instead shot him a withering stare.

Oblivious to Batman's ire, Flash continued, "You know, I could definitely use more field missions, instead of Monitor Duty and stuff like that. I mean, what does a man gotta do to get some action around here? It can seriously get— "

Flash was interrupted by a loud thump as Batman set his cup of coffee on the table with a tad bit more force than necessary. The liquid in the cup sloshed dangerously close to the edge. Flash glanced up to see the Dark Knight glaring at him.

"Two words, West. Get. Out."

Flash swallowed nervously, backing away slowly with his two hands high in the air in a placating manner.

"Okay…I'lljustbegoingnowbyeBats!" With that, he zoomed out of the Monitor Womb at record speed. _Geez, what's up with Bats? _

**Wonder Woman's POV**

Wonder Woman, better known as Diana to closer colleagues and friends, sat at one of the tables in the Watchtower cafeteria, sipping iced mocha. She had just returned from a particularly tiring intergalactic mission so she decided to just relax and indulge herself in her favourite drink. She wondered what sort of opinion a certain Dark Knight would have on her 'just relaxing'. Probably a disapproving stare or something that went along the lines of, "You should use your time more wisely, Princess." Diana felt her lips curving into a smile at the thought of him. Hera, the man could be so infuriating yet endearing at times. However, her train of thoughts was interrupted when the presence of the Flash announced itself in the form of a whoosh of air and the sound of his voice.

"Hey Wondy! Can I talk to you for a minute?"

Diana turned towards the Scarlet Speedster, who was hovering nervously by her table. Well, 'vibrating so quickly that only a blur of red and yellow can be seen' would have been a more accurate description.

"Hello Wally, is something wrong?" Diana asked, a slight frown of concern on her face.

"DoyouknowwhassupwithBats?" A rapid onslaught of words poured out of Flash's mouth, impossibly fast for anyone to understand.

Diana blinked, "Come again…? And slower this time."

Flash took in deep breath and repeated his question, "Do you know what's up with Bats?"

Diana felt a flash of worry run through her. Something wrong with Bruce? Was he injured? Ill? Why hadn't she picked that up?

"What happened? Is he injured or something?" Diana asked, anxiety lacing her words.

Flash shook his head, "Nonono, he's not. It's just that when he came to relieve me of Monitor Duty, he was unusually snappy, even for him."

At that, Diana raised an eyebrow. Knowing Flash, he must have done something to provoke Batman. Unconsciously, that thought must have been reflected on her face, for Flash shook his head vehemently.

"We-ell, maybe I may have, might have, could have said something that made him annoyed but usually he isn't this bad," Flash admitted, a slightly sheepish grin on his face.

"Who isn't that bad?" came Superman's voice suddenly as the Man of Steel settled himself into the seat opposite Diana, munching on a sandwich.

Diana offered him a faint smile in greeting, "Oh, we were just talking about how Batman seems unusually vexed. Or at least, Flash seems to think that way."

"Yeah. And he slammed down his cup of coffee as if it had just offended him or something. Geez…" Flash interjected.

Superman had a strange expression on his face, a cross between 'trying-hard-not-to-laugh', 'wow-really?' and 'secretly-pleased'.

"Uh, Supes? You okay?" Flash asked, feeling a little perplexed and freaked out by Superman's reaction.

Diana was also feeling a similar sense of confusion as she stared strangely at Superman. _His reaction is… Unexpected,_ she thought.

It took Superman awhile to realise a question was directed at him, "Huh? Oh, yeah. I'm… er…fine."

"Well, I guess I better check if Batman is alright," Diana rose from her seat as she took a last sip of her iced mocha, all the while sending concerned and puzzled looks in Superman's direction.

As she floated past the other Leaguers on her way out of the cafeteria, she heard Flash's voice call out, "Oh, by the way Di, Batman's in the Monitor Womb!"

She felt the other Leaguers' gazes on her and a spattering of murmurs and soft laughter broke out at Flash's statement. A few bolder ones even gave a few whistles and catcalls. She blushed slightly and hurried out of the cafeteria as quickly as possible. She was almost certain that rumours about her and the Dark Knight would be spreading among the Leaguers, at the very least by the next day. He—

_Focus, Diana_, she told herself.

Upon reaching the Monitor Womb, she entered swiftly, fully intending to use any means necessary to pry the answers as to his unusually aggravated behaviour from the stubborn man. However, the sight that greeted her was totally unexpected. Batman was sprawled out on the table in front of the numerous screens, his cowled head resting on his right arm, tilted to one side and soft snores emitted from his sleeping form._ His mouth looks surprisingly soft when he's asleep, _Diana mused. She groaned when she realised what she was thinking about and what her train of thoughts would eventually lead to. Shaking her head as if to clear her mind of such thoughts, she called out softly to the man collapsed on the table before her.

"Bruce."

Batman merely stirred but did not awake. Diana frowned. She had expected him to leap up and attempt an attack of some sort. Evidently, he must have been really exhausted. Diana debated as to whether she should try to rouse him again, or just leave him in this state, but she figured the consequences would be dire if someone else caught him in this position. Sighing, she gave him a firm nudge on his left shoulder. Batman moved his head groggily, blinking as he shifted himself into a sitting position.

Satisfied that he was awake, she asked, "Bruce, are you okay?"

He quickly snapped out of his daze and ground out, "I'm fine. And it's Batman while on the Watchtower."

Rolling her eyes at his expected answer, she teased, "I liked you better when you were asleep."

"It's not funny, Princess," Batman growled and made an angry, frustrated noise, burying his head in his gloved hands.

She gave him an innocent smile, but it quickly melted into one of concern when he gave a muffled groan. The atmosphere lost its sense of levity when the severity, not to mention bizarreness, of the situation hit her; Batman, of all people, falling asleep during Monitor Duty.

"Br-Batman, are you sure you're fine?"

The only indication of a reply was a tired moan. Diana's eyes widened. In all the years since she had known him, no matter how tired he was, he never showed it. Until now. Something was definitely wrong.

"The coffee didn't help…" he finally replied, his voice muffled by his gloved hands.

To say she was surprised was an understatement. For Batman, the solution to any form of tiredness was coffee. Either that or a good workout. Tired from a day of League missions? Coffee. Exhausted from a particularly hard case to crack? Coffee. And the list goes on.

There was a moment of silence before Batman growled again, this time with an undertone of realization and of course, extreme aggravation.

**Batman's POV**

"Decaf."

He mentally kicked himself from not realising sooner. It explained everything. The weird, "off" taste of the coffee (the aftertaste of which he could still taste in his mouth, as if mocking him). The fact that it had no effect on him whatsoever and that he could still fall asleep on Monitor Duty after drinking it. The fact that upon being roused from his sleep, he had this enormous splitting headache that threatened to cause his head to explode instead of a nice, clear and fresh mind. And who would **dare **to try out something like this and still hope to live? Who would have the incentive to take revenge on him through coffee, of all things?

"Kent," he lifted his head from his hands, ignoring the fact that the throbbing in his head grew worse and snarled, a dangerous edge to his voice.

"Superman?" Diana asked, bafflement evident in her voice but he had to admit he was surprised by what she said next.

"But he did seem oddly pleased when Flash told him it seemed as though the cup of coffee had offended you."

Batman narrowed his eyes at the mirth in her voice but let it slide because he was too tired to snap at her. Especially since he knew it wouldn't have any effect on the Princess. The only effect, perhaps, would be that mischievous grin of hers widening. Not that he would have minded— _Focus. The main issue here is the Boy Scout. And how I'm gonna kill him when I find him, _he thought darkly. He stood up immediately but as soon as he did so, the room swam around him and he noted, with some alarm, that he was wobbling rather unsteadily. _Damn. _Definitely a sign that he was not getting his proper does of caffeine.

Diana was by his side in a flash, grabbing at his shoulders with her hands to steady him, worry on her face.

As if she could read his mind, she said dryly, "You know, maybe it's not that you're not getting enough caffeine. The root of the problem is that you're not getting enough rest."

_She does have a point,_ a traitorous voice whispered in his mind. _Shut up, _he thought. He realised he must have said the last part out loud, for the Princess was looking at him with a slightly hurt look. The lenses in his cowl widened. _Oh crap. I did not just say that aloud. _But apparently, he just did. He groaned. Could his day get any worse? He guessed not.

Just as he shrugged off Diana's arms and strode (or rather, staggered) towards the door of the Monitor Womb, a wave of exhaustion hit him and he promptly collapsed. He felt Diana's strong arms catch him before he passed out. Although, to his credit, he did have one last lucid thought before he went unconscious.

_Kent is a dead man._

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><p>Well, well. Look's like Batman figured out that the whole thing was Superman's way of exacting revenge on him. And a pissed Batman, a happy League does not make. Well, this is the end of Chapter 2. Hope you guys enjoyed it! Remember to review too. =)<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

It's been a long time since I've updated and I'm really sorry. Just have been rather busy at school. So without further ado, please read (and hopefully enjoy) this peace offering *ahem* I mean, chapter 3 of this story. (Oh, and pardon any spelling errors or grammar errors as I beta-ed this myself rather quickly. I shall endeavour to do a more thorough check after I get chapter 4 done)

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><p>"Is he awake?" a male voice. Strong, powerful, probably commanded attention. It sounded familiar, but oddly enough, seemed to make a strong wave of anger sweep through his bleary mind. Hmm, and a thirst for... Revenge?<p>

"I'm not sure." a female voice, soothing but strong.

"Eh, he seems pretty much dead to the world. What happened anyway?" immediately, he was bombarded with a rapid slew of words he could barely comprehend.

Batman felt his eyebrows crease as he struggled to swim his way through the thick viscous sea of darkness that was his current state of consciousness. His eyelids fluttered as he wrestled with unwilling eyes to *just open up already*!

That annoying, super-fast voice again, "Hey, did you see that? His eyes are opening!"

You don't say, he thought sarcastically. He could definitely do without the blinding headache though. It felt as if he had been grabbed by his head and smashed repeatedly into something hard. What I would do for some coffee right now, he mused to himself wistfully. But that train of thought soon brought him to some unhappy memories that had led up to his current miserable state in the first place.

Decaf.

"Damnit. Kent!"

His eyes sprang open and he shot up from what was presumably one of the beds in the Watchtower medical bay as if someone had shot him full of lightning. He winced slightly at the harsh, bright lights in the medical bay, blinking a few times to refocus his vision. But it did nothing to deter him from reaching his current target as in a few moments' time, he lunged towards the huge blue and red S symbol hovering nearby. The symbol swerved just out of reach at the last second and he almost toppled off the bed.

"Woah, woah, easy there, Bats. You just passed out or something. No need to get all worked up and stuff, could be bad for your heart... Or something. Uh, I mean... Eh what I meant to say was... Um..."

At this point, Flash was more or less trailing off into nervous muttering as he was impaled with a Batglare. Well, a Batglare sans the cowl. But somehow, it made it all the more scarier. How a pair of blue eyes could give you a stare so icy that it made the temperature of the room drop by a few degree Celsius was beyond him.

Batman glared for a few moments longer for good measure before turning his attention to matters of greater importance. Like, the many different ways to incapacitate Superman.

Superman was casting a worried, nervous look in his direction. Clearing his throat, he asked, "Uh, how are you feeling, Bruce?"

The temperature of the room seemed to drop a few more degrees. Diana cast a warning look at Superman, her expression somewhere along the lines of, "if you want to keep your head intact, it's probably best not to aggravate this man when he's in such a state".

"Peachy. Just peachy," Batman deadpanned.

Batman then proceeded to grab his cowl off the bedside table, pulled it over his head and swung his legs off the bed. He stood up in one swift motion but very nearly collapsed back onto the bed again as all the blood suddenly rushed up to his head. Still wobbling rather unsteadily, he shrugged off Diana's hands that suddenly appeared on his shoulders in an attempt to aid him. Instead, he stormed all the way up to Superman, such that they were almost nose to nose and he could actually count how many eyelashes the Man of Steel had (not that he would ever want or need to).

"Never pegged you as someone who played dirty, Boy Scout," Batman remarked casually, as though he was discussing the weather, although the dangerous edge to his voice clearly showed otherwise.

Before the astonished Superman could conjure up a suitable retort, he was faced with a swirling mass of black cape as Batman turned to exit the Medical Bay.

"Next time you want to thank me for bringing you coffee, try not to switch mine with decaf. The consequences for you won't be exactly pleasant. It won't just be a piece of glowing rock this time." a growled threat thrown over his shoulder and then he was gone, padding noiselessly out of the door.

Superman stood there, dumbfounded while his other two teammates exchanged puzzled glances, still digesting the bits and pieces of information tossed to them in the form of Batman's cryptic words.

Eyebrows furrowed, Superman murmured, "Was it that obvious I was the one who switched his coffee with decaf?"

"Wait, you what?!" Flash all but shouted with glee as he stared at Superman in a mixture of shock and awe at the same time that Diana exclaimed, "Hera, why would you do such a thing?"

"What? He laced my coffee with blue kryptonite first!" Superman shot back defensively.

Flash's eyes grew as big as saucers but he snapped out of his shock-induced trance soon enough to shout, "Oh gosh, this is priceless! It's like one big coffee showdown or something."

Diana shot him a look that clearly said that he shouldn't be stoking the fire and encouraging this "coffee showdown" (for lack of better terms). She then turned to Superman, who was rubbing his neck rather sheepishly.

Sighing, she said, "I thought you two were more mature than this, and you of all people should know that you shouldn't do anything that might endanger your teammate and causing them to fall asleep while on the job is something that could be potentially dangerous."

Superman sighed, "I know, but I just couldn't resist giving him a taste of his own medicine."

A pregnant pause, then "I'll uhh just be going to talk things out with him then" though the tone he spoke in suggested he would much rather be locked in a fight to the death with Doomsday than apologising to someone he thought deserved having revenge exacted on. The "someone" in question being a certain dark, pointy-eared Gothamite who was no doubt, still cranky from being caffeine-deprived and nursing one hell of a headache. He felt a tiny trickle of guilt worm its way into his heart but quickly quashed it with thoughts of the blue kryptonite laced coffee he had unwittingly drunk.

Diana watched Superman float out of the Medical Bay, her eyebrows furrowed. She wasn't really sure what sparked this whole chain of vengeful events (somehow all using coffee as some sort of tool for revenge) but she was certain this would not be the last of it. After all, Superman was anything but someone who yielded easily. And Batman, stubborn and obstinate man that he was, she thought with a touch of fondness, would definitely not apologise first.

Flash seemed to be thinking along the same lines, for he had ceased his laughter and exclamations. He was currently staring somewhat worriedly at the doorway where both the Man of Steel and the Dark Knight had disappeared through moments before, as if expecting to hear raised voices and the sound of objects shattering.

Then, seemingly realising that this would not be the last of all the coffee-revenge madness that was to come, Flash sighed, a hint of despair in his voice.

"Big Blue didn't actually agree to resolve the matter, did he?"

The silence and Diana's pursed lips were all the answer he needed.

Images of Batman and Superman wrecking the Watchtower in a bid to come out tops in what started off as a simple disagreement over who got the coffee flashed through his mind.

For all his rapid speech and fast onslaught of words, he only managed to voice one word to describe his current sense of foreboding.

"Crap."

Then, "We're screwed, aren't we?"

* * *

><p>Hmm... Not much action in this chapter. Sorry about that, but I promise there'll be more action, excitement, explosions and interesting things next chapter. (I can't really promise there'll be explosions though, but there will be more action at the very least) Now... How about a review? Just one, pretty please? =)<p> 


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